Some time back the comment was made in a thread that in speaking (writing?) one should first ask oneself
Is it true
Is it kind
Is it necessary

I thought it was good advice. I have actually used the test from time to time & not hit Submit Message after typing quite a bit.

At the time I saw it I wished the person saying it would listen to the advice himself. (unkind so I kept my fingers off the keyboard)

So here are my words that I hope are true, I will try to say in a kind way, necessary is for others to judge.

I've had someone on my case in several Usenet groups that lasted over a year before it ceased. I'm not sure anyone really noticed because of the way I realized I had to deal with it. At no time did this person ever send me personal e-mail or try to deal with me other than in public groups. Because of this, while I found it distressing, I would not call it stalking because I knew there was no real physical danger.

I would see my moniker somewhere that I rarely posted, my heart would beat faster & I'd get upset. I was never, ever the first one to respond to the message. Most of the time this worked & the topic of me died. Occasionally someone else would respond. If they were defending me, I'd send a private message saying thanks, and hint that they let it drop. If they seemed to take the 'accusation' seriously (very rare) I'd see if I knew who it was, and decide if I cared about that person's opinion. I can't even remember a case where I thought the answer to that was yes & if it was no I also didn't need to bother.

Very occasionally the thread would take a turn that allowed me to get in and poke fun at the accusation. I did not do this every time, but just enough to let her know I'd seen what she said. More often I found a chance to do a strictly informational message that also implied, 'I'm here and I'm not responding.' You'd be amazed how maddening that can be to your foe.

It was not easy. It took a lot more self restraint than I thought I had. It took over a year for it to end.

This same person was after a few other people as well. Personally, I formed my opinions of them not based on what was said to them by someone who's opinion I did not care about, but how they responded. While I felt sympathy for some of them, there were others whose responses tended to pull them way down in my esteem. I could not believe how long some people would go on basically trying to convice her that her opinion should not matter to them, but really proving how much it did matter.

My suggestion to you, Alex, in dealing with any accusation against you is to think about a couple of things and answer some questions for yourself. But most important decide whose opinion or regard is important to you. I don't know how much mine counts, but you lost a lot more respect from me by telling Peg where to go than anything anyone has said about you anywhere.

You post a lot, we can all read your messages for ourselves. We can all go to your web page and do the same. Most of us are adults, please, give us credit for being able to read and arrive at our own conclusions about both you and the other(s).

If someone tells you you've made a racist remark or otherwise takes exception to your comments, remember they are that one person's opinion. We can check back & decide for ourselves whether they are or not. Especially if it will derail an ongoing discussion please refrain from endless am, am not discussions.

In deciding to respond decide how important to you the opinion of the accuser is. If it's a Guest we all know what that should be. Don't bother with telling them you don't care about thier opinions, because by replying you prove it does.

Does anyone else seem to be believeing, supporting the accusation? Do you care about that person's opinion? If not, see above. If you do, consider why they reached these conclusions about you and act accordingly. You might want to consider PM's if you are willing to listen to what they say.

Finally, don't worry about that the unknown reader who is not responding in any way. Probably they don't care so you shouldn't care either.