For the hecklers.
Sorry I didn't recognize you right away but its so nice to see you back in mens clothes.

More raw meat for table 3.

Keep shouting the bouncer's trying to find out where you're sitting. (Billy Connolly if memory serves)

I don't talk while you're performing

Others

I'd like to play some chopin for you now... but I don't know any.

If someone gets up to go to the bathroom during one of your songs stop playing and watch them walk there without saying a word till they go through the door then whisper to the audience lets all go and hide.

That's all for now, Den