For many year THE BODY IN THE BAG was my favourite cat song, but humorous & literate contribution has taken its place. Enjoy.

Do you have a favourite cat song?

^^^

THE NEIGHBOURS' CAT
As recorded by Leon Rosselson on "Wo Sind Die Elefanten?" (1991)

1. Those new neighbours, they never mow the lawn.
They're throwing things and rowing from dawn to bloody dawn.
Their drains are overflowing; their garden smells of pee,
And dandelions are growing where the roses ought to be.
They've got five cheeky children, and even worse than that,
The terror of the neighbourhood: a devil of a cat.

CHORUS: The cat, the cat, the neighbours' cat,
Is not at all the sort of cat
That sits contented on a mat.
He's not a cat like that.
He isn't furry, fine or fat.
You wouldn't want to pet or pat
This scraggly, ragged, outsized rat.
The dustbin is his habitat,
The neighbours' cat.

2. Our pussy cats are neutered; they're decent and they're clean,
And they keep respectful silence when they hear "God save the Queen;"
But this one's still uncivilised, a spitting infidel,
With his nightly caterwauling and his nasty moggy smell,
Assaulting our azaleas, urinating on our gnomes,
Demolishing our dahlias; we're not safe in our own homes.

3. He'll claw at our car bonnets; he'll savage dogs and crows.
He spreads chaos and subversion everywhere he goes.
And this really makes my blood boil: he's fanatically fond
Of harpooning the goldfish in our ornamental pond.
We never catch him at it, cos he's underhand and sly,
But we know who to blame when our prize marrows droop and die. CHORUS

4. Now, he's corrupting all our darlings and leading them astray,
Brainwashing them to act in a most unnatural way.
Does he get them high on cat mint? 'Cos they wear a hippie grin
As they leap in front of lorries in a suicidal spin.
It's a shocking situation. Every morning we emerge
To find another flattened pussy laid out on the verge.

5. Have you heard the latest? Things can't go this way.
The rumour is the neighbours' cat has joined the IRA.
Our house prices are falling. It's time we made a stand.
We've got up a petition. This wild cat must be banned.
Yes, burn him for a traitor, this embodiment of sin,
This ruthless agitator; he's the enemy within. CHORUS