Three nuns from Bardstown (we have a lot of nuns around here) were in a car wreck, died immediately and went to heaven. St. Peter said, "Sisters, you've lived a good life and will certainly enter here, but I know you've never been with a man, so before entering heaven, just name any man in the world and you can "be with him" before you come on in.

The first nun said, "Tom Cruise." So "poof," he appeared, and they went off together.

The second nun (must have been from across the pond or related to Liz the Squeak) said Sean Connery. "Poof," he appeared and they went off together.

The third nun said (insert my husband's name here). St. Peter laughed...then said, "OK, but why?"

She replied, "All my life I've lived in Bardstown, and everybody says, Screw (insert my husband's name here)!