To the tune of "The pub with no beer"

I'll tell you a story and it aint so sad,
I was down at the pub and feeling not bad
It was time to go home but I didn't want to
So the landlady told me just what to do

If you want to stay here for another few rounds
Go to that booth and we'll play a few sounds
Your wife won't suspect you because what she will hear
Is the sounds she'd be hearing if you were there

Well there's nothing more useful, moving or clear
Then to play those excuses and have some more beer

The first time I called her, they played the office
And the bloke on the sound track sounded just like my boss
I said dinner will spoil it will be such a loss
I have to late dear, no matter the cost

Well there's nothing more useful, for my career
Then to play those excuses and have some more beer

The next time I called home, they played traffic Jam.
After all of that working can you guess where I am?
Stuck on the free way alone in my car
I would not think of spending time in a bar

Well there ain't nothing wrong with fooling my wife
If it helps to ease all our marital strife

Well the last time I called her they played supermarket
She said that I should take my keester and park it
She said don't you come home, she said stay away
Your so fecking drunk you forgot call display