A friend(Dirtsprite) sent these.
>FW: The Blues: tutorial > > > > You too, can learn to write the Blues; A tutorial. > > > > > > 1. Most Blues begin with "Woke up this morning..." > > > > > > 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you >stick > > > something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the > > meanest > > > face in town." > > > > > > 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat >it. > > Then > > > find something that rhymes... sort of "Got a good woman with the >meanest > > > face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. > > She's > > > got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weighs 500 pounds." > > > > > > 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in >a > > > ditch-ain't no way out. > > > > > > 5. Blues cars Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues > > don't > > > travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues > > > transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft >and > > > state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the runnin.' Walkin' plays >a > > > major part in the blues lifestyle. So does a-fixin' to die. > > > > > > 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't a-fixin' to die yet. >Adults > > > sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get >the > > > electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. > > > > > > 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any >place >in > > > Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just >clinical > > > depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still good places >to > > > have the Blues. Most places that start with San are good bluesy >places > > like > > > San Diego, San Francisco, and San Antonio. > > > > > > 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't got the blues. A woman with > > male > > > pattern baldness does. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is >not > > the > > > blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is. > > > > > > 9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The >lighting > > is > > > wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. > > > > > > 10. Good places for the Blues: > > > a. highway > > > b. jailhouse > > > c. empty bed > > > d. bottom of a whiskey glass. > > > > > > Bad places for the Blues: > > > a. Nordstrom's > > > b. gallery openings > > > c. Ivy League institutions > > > d. golf courses. > > > > > > 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you > > happen > > > to be old and you slept in it. > > > > > > 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if > > > a. you are older than dirt > > > b. you are blind > > > c. you shot a man in Memphis > > > d. you can't be satisfied. > > > > > > No, if > > > a. you have all of your teeth > > > b. you were once blind but now can see > > > c. the man you shot in Memphis lived > > > d. you have a 401K or trust fund. > > > > > > 13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger > > Woods > > > cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also >got >a > > > leg up on the blues. > > > > > > 14. If you ask for water and your darling gives you gasoline, it's the > > > Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are cheap wine; whiskey or > > bourbon; > > > muddy water; and nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues > > beverages: > > > Perrier; Chardonnay; Snapple; and Slim Fast. > > > > > > 15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues > > death. > > > Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. >So > > > are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a >broken-down > > > cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or > > while > > > getting lipo-suction. > > > > > > 16. Some Blues names for women Sadie; Big Mama; Bessie; or Fat River > > > Dumpling. > > > > > > 16. Some Blues names for men Joe; Willie; Little Willie; or Big >Willie. > > > > > > 18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer and Heather >can't > > sing > > > the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. > > > > > > 19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: > > > a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) > > > b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.) > > > c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For > > > example Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi > > > Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") > > > > > > 20. I don't care how tragic your life if you own a computer, you >cannot > > sing > > > the blues. > > > > > > (DAMN!) > > > > > >

_________________________________________________________________ troll