Liz (re: Lady Ickle): Oh. You confused me in your first post when you mentioned the "distraught Mr. Ickle Dorrit"; I thought Ickle WAS the "Mr."!

Okay, here's the gender-corrected version of my song:


THANK GOD, I'M A RUNTY DOG
(Tune: "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" - words and music by John Martin Summers, performed by John Denver)

Oh, life in a farm town is kinda laid back;
Aint' nothin' for a runty dog to hit the sack
Under Ick's eyes and right behind her back.
Thank God I'm a runty dog!

It's a simple kinda life, never givin' a darn,
Raised up from a puppy dog a-lurkin' in the barn.
My bowls are all filled when I please and when I warn (grrr).
Thank God I'm a runty dog!

Well, the perks are fun and the fun's gettin' so
That she'll rout the little town for racin' to and fro
While this girl's asleep, and I'm layin' kinda low.
Thank God I'm a runty dog!

In hay I'll be good as I lay, cuttin' wood
But ol' Dorrit, Mister's wife, wants to wake me if she could
Just to piddle, use the can, an' bark for my food.
Thank God I'm a runty dog!

Chorus: Well, I got me a farm life, I got me round middle.
When the sun's comin' up, I can take that ol' piddle.
Right now nothin', not a bunny, gun or fiddle
Can prod an ol' runty dog!

Well, I wouldn't raid the night all primed for dog duels;
I never was one of them orn'ry horny fools.
I'd rather leave my piddle in the barn in pools!
Thank God I'm a runty dog!

Yeah, silly folk hikin' in the dark without seein',
A lot of sad people thinkin' "What a flighty bein'!
Runnin' the hell around ol' Tow'rsey, ruttin', peein'
An' God, where's that runty dog?"

Chorus: Well, I got me a farm life, I got me round middle.
When the sun's comin' up, I can take that ol' piddle.
Right now nothin', not a bunny, gun or fiddle
Can prod an ol' runty dog!

Well, I piddled as a puppy in the hay so wide;
Mommy took me by the scruff and held me up to her side.
She said, "Give man no strife, play and piddle with pride
And thank God you're a runty dog!"

My Dorrit taught me young how to hunt and where to piddle,
She taught me how to lurk and lay alone while she'd fiddle.
Caught me! Now she'll love me and give her acquittal!
Thank God I'm her runty dog – yeah!