An experiment Hope this increases the readabilityA friend(Dirtsprite) sent these. >FW: The Blues: tutorial
> You too, can learn to write the Blues; A tutorial.
1. Most Blues begin with "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you >stick
something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the > > meanest
face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat >it. > > Then
find something that rhymes... sort of "Got a good woman with the >meanest
face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. > > She's
got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weighs 500 pounds."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in >a
ditch-ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues > > don't
travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft >and
state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the runnin.' Walkin' plays >a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does a-fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't a-fixin' to die yet. >Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get >the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any >place >in
Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just >clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still good places >to
have the Blues. Most places that start with San are good bluesy >places > > like
San Diego, San Francisco, and San Antonio.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't got the blues. A woman with > > male
pattern baldness does. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is >not > > the
blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The >lighting > > is
wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass.
Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses.
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you > > happen
to be old and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if
a. you are older than dirt
b. you are blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied.
No, if
a. you have all of your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man you shot in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund.
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger > > Woods
cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also >got >a
leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and your darling gives you gasoline, it's the
Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are cheap wine; whiskey or > > bourbon;
muddy water; and nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues > > beverages:
Perrier; Chardonnay; Snapple; and Slim Fast.
15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues > > death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. >So
are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a >broken-down
cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or > > while
getting lipo-suction.
16. Some Blues names for women Sadie; Big Mama; Bessie; or Fat River
Dumpling.
16. Some Blues names for men Joe; Willie; Little Willie; or Big >Willie.
18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer and Heather >can't > > sing
the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For
example Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
20. I don't care how tragic your life if you own a computer, you >cannot > > sing
the blues.
(DAMN!)
_________________________________________________________________ troll