Two nuns are driving through Transylvania, when a vampire bat lands on their windshield. Sr. Mary switches on the wipers but the the bat keeps landing back on the window. Sr. Agnes says, "I put holy water in the squirters, when we stopped at the gas station this morning. Use them."
It barely phases the bat.
"Sr. Mary, show him your cross", says Sr. Agnes

Sr. Mary rolls down the window

And says "GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR!!!"




Paddy is playing golf at his favorite course in Cork, when he runs into a leprechaun. Says the leprechaun, "How'sd you like to be making a hole in one on this hole?"
Now Paddy's heard about leprechauns. Cagey little rascals and tricksters the whole lot of them. He asks "What'll it cost me?"
"5 years off your sex life."
Now Paddy is not exactly the best player ever to swing a club and as a matter of fact, has never shot a hole in one in his life. He's a young guy, and surely will have many good years left, so he agrees, albeit reluctantly.
Sure enough it goes right in the hole. He can scarcely believe his eyes.
He progresses to he next tee and sure enough the leprechaun is waiting. "Now only once before has there ever been a man to shoot a hole in one on 2 consecutive holes on this course and that was the great Jimmy Daly, himself. How'd you like to do the same?"
"and what will it cost me?"
"another 5 years off your sex life."
Well to be held in the same regard as THE JimMy Daly!!! Paddy reluctantly agrees. Pop! Straight in the hole!
At the next tee the leprechaun is of course waiting. "And how'd ye like to SET A NEW RECORD?"
Well, Paddy's come this far, and as costly as it might be, to have his name on the wall in the lodge and people speaking his name like that......he (very) reluctantly agrees.

And that is the story of how Father Patrick Flanagan set his record in golf.


Rich