A Scots soldier goes into a pharmacy (chemist's, to those of you across the pond) and walks up to the counter.

"May I help you?" says the pharmacist.

"Perhaps you can," replies the soldier. He reaches into his bag and pulls out an obviously much-used condom. Pointing to it, he says, "Can you see the tear in it?"

"Aye, I can," replies the pharmacist.

"Can it be repaired?"

"Aye," says the pharmacist.

"How much to repair it, then?" asks the soldier.

"One shilling."

"How much to replace it?"

"Two shillings," is the reply.

"Thank you very much," says the soldier, and he puts the condom away and leaves.

The next day the soldier returns.

"May I help you?" says the pharmacist.

"Aye, you can," replies the soldier. "The regiment has voted to have it repaired."