The lyrics are in the Smithsonian Folkways Recordings CD entitled "Pete Seeger". Credit is given to Josh white Jr. based on a book "Crazy English" by Richard Lederer. Pete Seeger added the refrain "English is cuy-ray-zee." The notes say to not record or perform on air without permission of the copyright holder, Richard Lederer.

I hope it is OK to post them to this thread!

ENGLISH IS CUH-RAY-ZEE
(Josh White Jr.)

English is the most widely used language in the history of the planet.
One out of seven human beings can speak or read it.
Half the world's books, three quarters of the international mail are in English.
It has the largest vocabu;ary, perhaps two million words
And a noble body of literature. But face it:
English is cuh-ray-zee!

Just a few examples: There is no egg in eggplant,
no pine or apple in pineapple.
Quicksand works slowly; boxing rings are square.
A writer writes, but do fingers fing?
Hammers don't ham, grocers don't groce. Haberdashers don't haberdash.
English is cur-ray-zee!

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
It's one goose, two geese. Why not one moose, two meece?
If it's one index, two indices; why not one Kleenex, two klennices?
English is cuy-ray-zee!

You can comb through the annals of history, but not just one annal.
You can make amends but not just one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one, is it an odd or an end?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it true that a preacher praught?
If you wrote a letter did you also bote your tongue?
And if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
English is cuy-ray-zee!

Why is it night falls but never breaks and day breaks but never falls?
In what other language do people drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?
Ship by truck, but send cargo by ship?
Recite at a play but play at a recital?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
English is cuy-ray-zee!

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same
When a wise man and a wise guy are very different?
To overllok something and oversee something are very different,
But quite a lot and quite a few are the same.
How can the weather be as hot as hell one day and as cold as hell the next?
English is cuy-ray-zee!

You have to marvel at the lunacy of a language in which your house can burn down
While it is burning up.
You fillout a form by filling it in.
Your alarm clock goes off by going on.
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Well English was invented by people, not computers
And reflects the creativity of the human race which is not a race at all.
So that's why when the stars are out they'r visible,
but when the lights are out, they're invisible.
when I wind up my watch I start it, but when we wind up this rap we end it.
English is cuy-ray-zee!