To the tune of "Tom Dooley"

THE BALLAD OF SAM FELDMAN
CHORUS
Hang your head, Sam Feldman
Hang you head and cry
You've crushed a lot of cookies
Now you'll pay the price
You've crushed a lot of cookies
And spoiled a lot of bread
If the state police don't catch you
Were sending for the Feds

In the state of Pennsylvania
For years your terror raged
It was as if some cookie fiend
Had gone on the rampage
Crumbs, and nuts and chocolate chips
At the scene of crime
The supermarket boss is worried
For his bottom line

CHORUS

We've installed CCTV
To catch you in the act
We've seen you pinch and prod and punch
Our cookies you have wrecked
We've seen you act maliciously
And now we must resort
To try your case judiciously
Within the District Court

CHORUS

The judge's face it darkened
When he viewed the videotape
"Anything to add" he asked
"Before I shut this case"
"I thought I'd get away
But I reckon I've been rumbled
A pain in the ass, but then I guess
That's how the cookie crumbles"

CHORUS