I managed to get the offending words replaced by "gathering wood for our winter fuel" when asked to play it for a church service some years ago. Didn't have time to get another cringe-making line about "a goal for my home team" removed, so I just tried to keep the contempt off my face as it was sung. I have since erased it from my memory, I'm glad to say.

The sophistry and sloppy theology of most modern hymns appalls me.

Indeed, having been brought up in the Anglican tradition for most of my life, I have now abandoned church attendance altogether, except for weddings and funerals.

One of the final straws was opening the hymnbook at a Christmas Carol Concert to discover that "Good Christian men, rejoice!" had been PC'd to "Good Christian folk..." I didn't dare to look to see what else had been turned into a travesty.

Alan (President of Curmudgeons International)