The wind shifted last night. I woke up at 4AM with six panicked kittens and cats on my bed. My first thought was that my house was on fire. A quick search turned up nothing. Then I realized that it was outside. This was the stench the rescuers were working in for days.

My phone and answering service are not working. But the phone keeps ringing. No one there and lots of static. The only calls coming through are from the Emergency Room at the local hospital. Somehow, they are coming into my line.

No one in my family or co-op is missing but with so many dead everyone knows at least one person unaccounted for. So strange - we always laugh when people from the midwest or foreign countries (yes- that's humor) say "You're from NYC? Do you know so-and-so? She and I went to school together." Now each of us knows at least one "so-and-so". One neighbor had a relative on the AA flight that crashed into the WTC. So many fathers, mothers, children unaccounted for.

A brief scare last night. Sid, the young man who lived with me, had not been heard from. I knew he wasn't in the WTC but feared he might have been on a plane. His company called trying to locate him. They hadn't heard from him since Monday - unheard of. The agent told me that they knew he was not on one of the planes because all travel is done through their office. But he may have been in the towers for a meeting. I felt sick. Turned on my computer and there was a message from Sid. His cell phone was out. He couldn't get through to anyone but had just gotten a connection on his laptop. I told him to contact his office and his mother.

There are constant sirens from the hospital and fire department. The only people brought in for treatment are injured workers. Still no planes flying over besides the fighter jet. For once, I am eager to hear a noisy plane disturb my day. I have enough bakery ingredients to stock a bakery but just can't concentrate on getting cookies made. I need to get out for a walk to clear my head. I've gained four pounds since Tuesday - the terrorists shot my diet to hell. In short, I am temporarily depressed. If I could just sit down and cry, I know I would feel better. But tears aren't coming.