I took my girl to a fancy ball. It was a social hop.
We stayed all night until the break of light, waiting for the music to stop.
Into a restaurant we went, the finest on the street.
She said she wasn't hungry, but this is what she eat:

A dozen raw potato slaw, a chicken and a roast,
Asparagrass and apple sauce, with soft-shell crab on toast,
An Irish stew and dumplings too. Her appetite made me frown.
When she called for pie, I thought I’d die, when I had but a half a crown.

You bet I wasn't hungry. I didn't care to eat.
I've got money in my clothes; the best, they can't be beat.
She took things so easy, you'd think I owned a bank.
She said she wasn't thirsty, but this is what she drank:

A glass of ale, a gin cocktail. It made me shake with fear.
A ginger pop with rum on top, and then a jug of beer,
A whisky stein, a glass of wine. She sure could drink it down.
When she called for more, I fell on the floor, for I had but a half a crown.

You bet I wasn't hungry. I didn't care to eat,
Expecting any moment to be kicked out in the street.
She said she'd bring her friends around someday and we'd have fun.
When I showed the man my two and six, this is what he done:

He smashed my nose. He tore my clothes. He hit me on the head,
Grabbed me by the collar then 'till I was nearly dead.
He caught me where my pants hung loose. He turned me upside down.
Take my advice. Don’t try it twice, when you've got but a half a crown.

Annoying superfluous capitalization deleted. --JoeClone, 21-Apr-02.