From: The penis.
Subject: Raise Request
I hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I am always using my head first.
I do not get sick days, weekends off, or public holidays.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
RESPONSE FROM HUMAN RESOURCES:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration REJECTS your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas.
You take a lot of breaks.
You do not take initiative; you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe OSHA measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits.
You don't like working double shifts.
You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying two suspicious looking bags!