HOEDOWN: A dance of sorts, often held in a barn or other rustic setting (a place involving the best of rotting wood, hay, straw, dirt, and a requisite amount of manure). People gather wearing their finest string ties, poofy skirts, and checkered shirts and blouses with faux pearl buttons. A smorgasboard of food is layed out consisting of overcooked vegetable dishes and tooth rotting pies. An animal is burned beyond recognition while being slathered with a sauce so the original flavor of the meat is completely gone and now cannot be distinguished from a honey and ketchup covered guitar strap. The band cranks out some dance tunes and people stomp around the floor while someone yells out confusing directions using words unknown in any language. After each dance the band and the dancers refresh themselves with spirits often distilled deep in the woods through a Peterbilt radiator. By the end of the evening the music and dancing is frantically paced until the entire group falls into a drunken stupor and drive home in their pick-ups, endangering all those sane enough not to have attended.

Spaw