I knew my best friend's family and I were going to get on real well when her mother let loose a 'calico ripper' and DIDN'T blame the dogs! (For the term calico ripper - take a piece of calico or other tough cotton material. Rip it from end to end. Should last about 3-5 seconds and be audible in another room).

The changeover from church pews to comfortable chairs has meant the demise of the 'hymn book dropper'. That rattle or rumble down the back of the pew that makes you drop your hymn book in a desperate attempt to hide your face during the prayers, because it only happens during the prayers. Never during the loud bits. Although a certain 'trumpet voluntary' has been heard over some of the more energetic chorus type songs....

The best one I ever heard came from the arse of no less a person than the Archbishop of Canterbury himself..... Ah, the "advantages" of sitting in the choir.....

LTS