It's okay for dads to cry

I have been doing a lot of research for the family history book I am working on; checking my dad's oral history for things to corraborate. It has been a consuming and interesting bit of work.

It seems, at 84, dad gains new insight, daily, about his father and grandparents. He is always willing to talk about them or answer more questions; never seems to tire of my numerous calls for verification/clarification. There is always another story on the tip of his tongue.

I have noticed one thing, though. In all of my years growing up, I only saw or heard of my dad crying once, when he felt responsible for having to have a horse put down. I think my mom just told me about it and, of course, in the 1960's men still were not supposed to do that.

Now, when he starts to tell me one of the old stories about my granddad or great-grandparents, I will hear a slight catch in his voice, then a sniffle, then he gets quiet and I know it is my turn to give comfort, to say "Oh, daddy, it's okay," in the most tender way I am able. I am so very grateful for him and for his feeling comfortable enough to show me this vulnerable side of himself.

I think, as he grows older, he feels closer to them, yet has a longing of many, many years of missing them. I know he is not afraid of death, only afraid of lingering helplessly, in some bed. He's often voiced the hope that if it comes to that, someone will take him out and shoot him, like they did hurt or dying animals on the ranch where he grew up. I think the tears come more from a deep longing and also from understanding, more every day, of just what incredible people they all were and how grateful he is to have been their son and grandson. I know I feel the same way.

Anyway, I know you all know this, but it still bears saying, "It's okay for dads to cry" and also for their children to know about it. Thanks, daddy, for holdng me in your heart, along with all of those ancestors you accuse me of worshipping.

luvya'll...kat