I heard that the Ebola outbreak is part of a conspiracy by the CIA to start a world war. This is because the director of the CIA is actually a Mudcat member who wants to set in motion the events described by Donuel. His end result is a world in which acoustic music is the dominant form of entertainment and he will thus be in a position to achieve his diabolical goal of becoming a professional dulcimer player. In this sinsister New World Order, accoustic dulcimer players will be the new celebrites and so the CIA directotr will get lots of chicks.

I also heard that the United Hog Farmers of America are cooperating with the FBI in a counter terrorism mission called Operation Pork 'em All (OPA). This will consist of flying missions that drop pork chops, head cheese, and kielbasa on Bin Laden's camps until they surrender.