Even if the married man is in a bad marriage that really should end, the act of seeking out another woman to console him, pleasure him or give him whatever he's lacking in the marriage, INSTEAD of taking the step of ending the marriage, strikes me as an act of cowardice.

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Dazed & Confused says, "I don't think anyone can choose who they love, it happens or it doesn't, but it's what you DO about it."

What you do about it is DEFINITELY key! And perhaps one can't choose the person to whom one is initially attracted physically or emotionally, but one CAN learn to make better choices from among the "attractees". For example, if you're feeling all aflutter over two guys with similar physical characteristics, and one has an addiction he refuses to seek treatment for and the other is clean and sober, choose the clean and sober one even though you may be tempted to "help" (nurture, protect, insulate and otherwise not really help) the addict.

Likewise, if you're attracted to two guys with similar characters, and one has the character flaw of picking his nose and the other has the character flaw of picking up women in bars... well, if it HAS to be one or the other, choose the nose-picker, buy him some nice monogrammed hankies and teach him what they're for!

Of course it's harder, when you're aflutter over only one guy at a time, to just say no to the guy who will be bad for you when that means you have to WAIT till you meet the guy who will be good for you. One solution to that problem is to put yourself in a position where you will be more likely to meet plenty of good-for-you guys from whom to choose. And, let's face it, that position is not one of the ones you assume when you're in bed with a married man! Neither is it the seated position on a singles-bar barstool. I'm talking about going to the places where the good-for-you guys are: a church with a message you believe in, a rally for a cause you believe in, an open circle where people are singing songs you believe in... places where people are doing things you consider worthwhile. Then start meeting the available ones!