The Salvation Army free from sin, went to heaven in a corned beef tin. The corned beef tin began to smell, and the Salvation Army went to....Helensburgh Castle stands upon a rock, if you want to pass it you've got to show your.........Cocktail ginger ale half a pint of water, stick it up your... ask no questions tell no lies shut your mouth and you'll catch no flies.

In reality I was standing on a stage in the Cragburn Theatre in Gourock, singing "Put another nickel in" and " A man without a woman" in a childrens talent contest, which if nothing else certainly gives my age away.

Jock