Hello Mudshark, I think everybody needs to be loved, but there's costs to loving & being loved. Amergin is right - everybody changes, I think the lucky couples are those who somehow manage to grow in the same directions. I really believe you need to sort out how you feel about the future of your marriage before you can get into any truly loving relationship. It sounds as if you are struggling to try to stay within your marriage - so I'm sure you don't want to hurt your wife or another woman. You sound like you're hurting already. I don't think any relationship can be perfect, maybe yours can improve - maybe by talking to friends or consellors,and in many, the best thing to do is to start new lives, but only you & your wife can know what direction is going to be best for you. If you do meet anyone again - let them know what your situation is. Please don't let yourself become one of the phonies, I speak from experience - recently having fallen in love with a married man. Good luck Mudshark.