You are looking for answers in the wrong places. Been there done that, almost lost everything for it. I am still married but came so close to loosing everything that I care about. When the times are hard it is difficult to see what it is you valued about the person. Try harder, remember the times when you weren't in the muck and try to recapture those times. People change, you have and so has your spouse. Try to find the new things in your partner and help them discover the changes you have made. Sometimes we fall in love with an ideal, we are blind, or maybe they are perfect at that time. Explore how each other have changed before you muddy the waters. You can always try, but if you step outside of that relationship with your spouse, you may find the damage irrepairable. You may also see that you hurt someone that you still deeply care about, even though you may not feel it. Not a promise it would work, but still better than watching people you care about get hurt and finding it is too late to fix it.