Wonderful Mary and John! Flowers at your feet! Another one I found in the archeological dig through crap tapes:

Smallest Thing Known to Man:

Oh, the smallest thing that's known to man's
a sub-atomic particle
measured scientifically under lab conditions
to be ten centimeters taken to the minus thirteenth power

Although this thing is very small
it's really not that small at all
Compared to the line that is ever so fine
That seperates the hot from the cold on the handle of my shower!

And even any minute you adjust it
just exactly how you like it
There are still one hundred seven different
combinations, different permutations
Things which can and maybe will go wrong.
Like when I'm in the shower with the woman that I love,
And just at the moment of extreme exitation
Some guy in the apartment below turns the dishwasher on.

Well, the water comes out cold,
My woman goes 'eek'
Slips on the soap, nearly breaks her neck
As it was she only suffered from some minor scrapes and bruises
But just as she was falling she made a desperate grab
For the nearest thing around her so that no fatal harm would occur.

Which was fortunate for her, but unfortunate for me
Cause the thing she made a grab for
Happened to be something near and dear to both of us
though to be fair she wasn't thinking how extremely dear it was to me
As how conveniently near it was to her.

But it's an interesting biologic, metabolic, fundamental,
scientific, not to say a physiological fact
That when subjected to the stimulus of sub-zero H2O
The male private areas have a tendency to rapidly contract.

And this is what they did, and that is why she missed
And she made a grab behind
And what it was she finally caught
Was the handle of the shower which she twisted as she fell
Past the smallest thing that's known to man
and suddenly the water came out....hot

aaaaaah, I went 'eek' and I faded unconscious
an my woman got me outta there and two weeks later
My poor private areas finally got the courage to emerge
though even now they haven't yet regained their normal size and weight and span

In fact for a while there they had successfully broken
all previous exhisiting world records for
the smallest things that were known to man