So a French pirate walks into a tavern with a brightly colored parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks at it and exclaims, "Wow! Now that's something! Where'd ye get it?"
The parrot speaks up. "Awwwwck, they've got plenty of them in France!"
Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A: A buck an ear!
One morning, Mrs. James woke up and her dishwasher wasn't working. She called a repairman and he said that he would be able to come out and service the dishwasher that afternoon.
Since Mrs. James worked during the day, she said, "You can come out this afternoon but I won't be at home. I'll leave a key under the back door mat, you fix the dishwasher and leave me a bill. I'll mail you a check tomorrow. I need to tell you, though, that I have a Pit Bull. He's a gentle dog so don't worry about him. I also have a parrot. He's not so nice, so whatever you do, DON'T TALK TO THE PARROT!!"
Later that day, the repairman let himself into Mrs. James house and sure enough, there was her Pit Bull. He was a gentle dog . . he just lay on the rug and watched the repairman do his work.
The parrot, however, was another story. He screamed, and squawked, and lunged at the repairman the entire time he was in the house.
Finally the repairman couldn't take the bird's screaming any longer and he yelled, "SHUT UP YOU STUPID BIRD."
At that, the parrot looked at the Pit Bull and said "Sic 'em, Brutus."
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