Guest MLC; methinks a lot of us here know all too well that of which you speak.

Being in no position to credably advise, allow me to at least share this reflection;

I rather wish that you were not so reluctant to seek competent clinical evaluation and treatment; I'm no big fan of "Psychotherapy", and can't say that "Counselling" has done us much good... but there are a number of very effective medications out there that can (and for a lot of people do) make a really significant difference. And watch out for your health; depression can raise hell with the immune system, and disrupt sleep cycles to the point that functioning on the job is compromised. Depending on what you do, this can lead not only to unemployment but can be a major safety issue to self, co-workers, and sometimes even innocent bystanders.

It seems that your music is about the only thread, currently, that keeps you connected to life, such as it is. We can relate.

Should you ever get the feeling that you are the only poor shmuck who's ever been flushed down this hole, let me (and I think I'd be safe in assuming "us" here) assure you;

You ain't.