Ah!! Marie Santoinette!! Let them eat Guacamole!! (And Titanic Daquiris!!)

Dear Santa:
She's right, you know. It not so much that I can't cook, it's just that each attempt turns into, at worst, some monumental clean-up, or at best, a lesson in vulgarity for the neighbors.
Things I have learned: ALWAYS pit avacados before trying to make guacamole in the blender. Otherwise, you and 20 of your closest elves will end up covered in green flecks and having an inpromtu funeral by the dumpster, re-living all the great times you've had mixing drinks with said blender, and humming 'Taps'. Also: ALWAYS check to see that your appliances are turned off before you plug them in, especially hand mixers, and especially when trying to make tomato soup. I still stand firm, dear Santa, that I wasn't so much trying to throw this mixer towards the pot as I was trying to throw it away from myself...but you get the idea....

purring just knowing you're out there,
~JE