To the tune of "The Nighht Before Larry Was Stretched"

The Night Before Johann Was Searched

The night before Johann was searched
The boys and me paid him a visit
Into his hotel room we lurched
"The stuff" Johann asked us "where is it?"
For Johann was ever the lad
To be fixing to make him a killin'
If profit there was to be had
Then Jo would make manys the shillin'
And guineas and fivers forbye

The boys and me crowded in fast
And drew all our stools round about him
"Who's first? And who will be last?"
That gave rise to a fair bit of shoutin'
But Johann he said "Settle down
Let's act like you're men used to dealin'
Fine, honoured men about town
Not rogues at home with sheep-stealin'
And rustlin' of catlle as well"

"I'm sorry dear Johann" says I
"To cause any agg-a-ravation
And blister my limbs if I lie
We mean to cause no agitation
We'll step up now, each in his turn
To offer you creatures of quality
We peasants have not, it seemed, learned
To behave with all due formality"
And with that, the business commenced

I offered a fine pair of birds
And a reptile of some unknown variety
They really were the last word
Fit for any Zoological Society
And next up came parrots and frogs
A monkey, a blushing flamingo
Fishes and two types of dog
A snake and a bloody great dingo
(God knows how that bugger got here!)

And Johann at last said "Enough!
Much thanks for your netting and trappin'
I've got myself plenty of stuff
On my door back at home they'll be rappin'"
And off we slunk into the night
Each clutching his wad of blood-money
And Johann prepared for his flight
Thinking he'd have a clear run (He
Couldn't have known the result!)

Never do business with thieves
Forget about "honour among"
For one of our crowd was aggrieved
And determined to see Johann hung
Just as Judas betrayed with a kiss
Yer man with the beard and the sandals
Johann met his nemesis
And the news was one hell of a scandal
(They're writing songs 'bout it yet!)