Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Baby Bird In His Bikinis
(Tune: Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini)

He was afraid to come out of the taxi,
He was afraid that the bulges would show.
He was afraid to come out of the taxi,
He was afraid everybody would know.

(One, two, three, four,
What the federales saw)

 Was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis
 Movin' in a provocative way,
 An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis,
 Gave old Johann the smuggler away.
 
He was afraid to submit to the strip search;
He turned bright red, the customs lady could see.
He was afraid to submit to the strip search,
Because those budgie chicks had soiled his BVD's!

(Three, four, five, six,
What a nest for hatching chicks!)
 
 It was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis--
 That's why Johann was walkin' that way.
 An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie in his Hanes bikinis--
 Birds in your crotch can just ruin your whole day!

He was afraid that the agents would ferret
Out all the snakes and birds that he had stowed away.
He might have fooled 'em, were it not for that parrot
That started squealin' and gave him away!

(Five, six, seven, eight,
What did that stool pigeon say?)

     "He's got some itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie eggs in his bikinis!"
     That's what that big mouth Macaw bird did say,
     "Itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie eggs there by his weenie!
     And don't forget the boas in his attaché!"

He was afraid he'd no more see Vienna,
And so he tried to say "They're just beloved pets!"
But twenty-one parakeets wrapped in bandanas
Told the customs cops his tale was all wet!

     And then that itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis
     Popped right on out, much to Johann's dismay!
     An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie in his Hanes bikinis--
     Now they're taking our hero away.

(Four, three, two, one,
Tell the man what he has won!)

     It is an eeny weeny, itty bitty cell in a Brazilian city,
     That's the wages of Zillerman's foul crime!
     An eeny weeny, itty bitty cell in a Brazilian city,
     Where Johann's now doing his seven to nine!

©  Sonja W. Oates, 2001