Hey, Alex, I'm being good! No thwappin' innuendos here, Mister Gutter-mind! I'm pure as the driven snow! Nobody in my bed but me and my pu... um, kitty.

Speaking of kitties, I've felt inspired to parody "The Owl and the Pussycat". I'm sure it's been set to music, but I don't know the tune. Anyway, here 'tis...


THE PIG AND THE FUSSY BRAT
(Tune{?}: "The Owl and the Pussycat")

Pronunciation guide: Minneapolisian = MINN-yap-o-LEE-zhan (5 syllables)

The pig to the fussy brat sent was he, to a Minneapolisian house.
She told her honey who gave her the funny pet, "Undies this ain't, you louse!"
The pig looked toward the garage one night, and oinked o'er the small red car,
"Oh 'mommy' Becky! Oh Becky, what's wrong?
What a nervous young wreck-y you are, you are,
What a nervous young wreck-y you are!"

Said crooks with a growl, "Don't yell, girl. Don't howl, you wonderf'lly sweet young thing.
The purse that you carry, give to us. Don't tarry, or bullets into you will sting."
But she wailed away with a tear and a "hey" to the pig with the long, flat nose
And then, on a dude the piggy-wig chewed
And he'd cling there, offending his foes, his foes,
And he'd cling there, offending his foes.

'Oh, pig, it's so thrilling to tell that you're willing to bring down a prig with a will."
So the crooks ran away. They'd not tarried that day lest the jerks be the piggy's first kill.
No crime there since; the pig would make mincemeat of hated crooks once the girl'd swoon...
But on the lam is a Florida ham
That they can't, with three bright cops, bring doon, bring doon,
That they can't, with three bright cops, bring doon.

missing song line added and duplicate message deleted by mudelf ;-)