How many Murray MacLeods does it take tp change a light bulb?

No Murray MacLeod will change a lightbulb. Having once inserted a shining new bulb into its intended socket he read the number of hours of illumination it was to give him. He carefully kept account of the number of times he switched that light on and off; he tallied the hours and minutes that bulb glowed for him. When at last it went out he realized that it had not lived up to its potential therefore it had snuffed its interior flame of its own accord and therefore must be gay. He's not homophobic as such but he cannot think why the lightbulb should have committed suicide in such a way. Attempts to suggest that others in the house may have used that light while he was unaware he dismisses because his own tally is accurate and he knows it.