Jon, maybe that "one specific group of friends" is what makes some feel uncomfortable or excluded. I don't think exclusion's the problem, though. I think some folks may just be uncomfortable with banter, and that if they don't/can't join in, they aren't welcome. Then again, I believe most newcomers will hang around and get the feel of the place before they judge it.

I've seen new folks just jump right into the banter many times, without the slightest hint of rejection. There are also plenty of folks who never join the banter, and some post exclusively on music. They "belong" just as much. Folks decide for themselves what they want to share with others.

Folks also decide what they want to get out of Mudcat. It's still that thing about taking what you want and leaving the rest. That it's futile to try to make the rest of the world behave the way they want is a lesson that some never learn. Attacks spawn retaliation, or, at the very least, a lack of respect. A person's own words and actions are what determine how they're treated here. If the whole world seems to be against someone, maybe it ain't the whole world that's messed up.

I still think honesty works better than anything else. "I wish you wouldn't joke around with me, because I don't feel comfortable...Did you mean to insult me? If so, why?" Of course, the GUEST flamer regulars seem to treat honesty as a threat, or they'd be trying to talk with people instead of at them. The friendships, the acts of kindness, the humor and the comfort level people feel here are something they - and no one else - have destroyed for themselves, but the place still has enough of a grip on them so they can't leave it alone.

For me, the disgruntled postings aren't even a drop in the bucket compared with all the good I've found here. I've met kindred spirits and cherished friends from all over the world. I've sung the sun up with them, and I've shared their joy in the music and in life. I've exchanged gifts of heart and mind. How could I possibly let anything make me leave that behind?