No need to say what this is parodying!

I had a first cousin called Arthur McBride
We went for a walk down by the seaside
Seeking adventure and what may betide
It being a Christmas morning
And there as we strolled the length of the strand
We happened upon a most miserable man
His shoulders were hunched, his oul' face it was wan
As if he was in some deep mourning

"Good morning, good sir" said Arthur McBride
"I can't help but notice your wearisome stride
You look like a man who is troubled inside
And I'd like to help you this morning.
My colleague and I are out for a walk
But willing to listen if you'd like to talk
Your afflictions and worries we'll surely not mock
We're known to be pretty discerning"

"My very good men, my woes I'll relate
They're all of them tragic, and sad is my fate
And since you consent, I'll begin to narrate
But first, a small word of warning
Although I am clearly no man of Maynooth
Every word that I tell shall be truth
But I have no means of providing the proof
If that toubles you, walk on this morning"

Arthur and I we sized up the odds
He wouldn't be lyin', surely to God
So both of us gave the boul' stranger the nod
And he started his tale in the morning
"My name is Saint Nicholas, that is my name
All over this world I am honoured with fame
But now I'm afraid that I stand here ashamed
Dishonoured on Christmas Morning.

For it seems that my laugh, my oul' ho ho ho
Is a cause of concern to the kids down below
To Van Diemen's Land I no longer may go
I've been given a final warning
Instead of ho-hoing now I must engage
In polite conversation 'bout events of the age
In faith I feel like a beast in a cage
Frustrated beyond all enduring

A business suit, they have forced me to hire
And thus to dispense with my gay red attire
(They'd sooner I chucked it on top of the fire
They'd sooner that it was all burning)
My long flowing beard they have forced me to trim
They say I'm too fat, so they want me to slim
The future for Santa is looking quite grim
For the good old days Santa is yearning"

"Your story is tragic" said Arthur McBride
"But don't be a victim, get off your backside
I always thought you were a man of great pride
So why not fight back this morning?
And boycott New Zealand, they'll soon change their view
When their kids cause a stink and a hullaballoo
And the oul' status quo will revert, I tell you
So endeth the lesson this morning!"