LOL, LOL. I have too much going on at work and at home both to sit down and give this one a try -- so I'll pass, but I can't believe that no one has used, "Has anybody here / Seen my old friend Martin / Can you tell me where he's gone?" I'm imagining it sung by a gobbling turkey, sound effects created by gargling while singing.

(PS Amos what the hell are YOU doing up at 2AM? Even if it's EST, you should be asleep by then! Love, the Scolding sib)