I've just re-read the song above and actually it's a bit of a squeeze to get it to scan with "Down By The Liffeyside". I think I was writing it with the tune of McAlpine's Fusiliers playing on my mental jukebox. (The two tunes are quite similar.) Anyway … the words of my submission above seem to fit quite well to McAlpine's Fusiliers ….

For my second submissoon, I have parodied quite an obscure song. On Stump's 1988 album, "A Fierce Pancake" (any album with a Flann O'Brien/Myles Na Gopaleen reference in its title gets house-room in my collection), is the glorious, raucous "Charlton Heston (Put His Vest On)".

RICHARD BRANSON (Kept His Pants On)

To celebrate our year of labour
Every worker and his neighbour
Received a gilt-edged invitation
To come and have a few libations
Champagne, sherry, vodkatinis
Wine and gin and beer

Paper hats and party poppers
On the stage, the new chart-toppers
But lads and lassies keep it tasteful
Keep it clean and keep it chasteful
Pass The Parcel, Spin The Bottle
But please don't Shoot The Moon

Richard Branson kept his pants on

Please don't photograph your botty
That would drive poor Richard potty
Safety first he's always urgin'
The hairy-featured boss of Virgin
Safety first and mind your manners
We've standards to maintain

Beware the photocopy's flash
It might turn your arse to ash
It can sizzle it can singe
It might barbecue your minge
So let's respect our office systems
And not give them abuse

Richard Branson kept his pants on

Do not copy do not fax
That which lies within your kecks
Frankly it's of no interest
To see with what you have been blessed
Your arse may be big and hairy
You may have a gorgeous Mary
Your manhood may be like a club
Or may be like a pencil stub
But if the urge within you rises
To photograph your bumses, thighses
Please resist the lewd temptation
Or be prepared for castigation
The safety man is standing by
On our machines he'll keep an eye
If used in ways that are not intended
He shall see that you're suspended
Or maybe fire you, there and then
Can't say for certain it depends
Either way, you must measure
If the risk is worth the pleasure
But it's a risk I'll not be chancin'
Richard Branson kept his pants on