Christmas presents a great challenge for those of us who wish to "pack heat". I can't say what is right for you, but by following some simple guidelines, you should find yourself discretely deadly in any situation.

Last minute shopping in those crowded malls? I suggest you head off any potential trouble by wearing something with large caliber heft and possibly semi-automatic firing capability. I prefer an Ouzi, because its lightweight comfort doesn't slow me down, and its obvious presence hung from a leather shoulder-swing discourages any conflict over the last Playstation 2.

You daughter's Christmas Choral Concert? Something easily concealable and discreet strikes the right festive note here. I like my 22 caliber Beretta pistol, worn under my blazer in a red and green shoulder holster. I'm sacrificing firepower I realize, but most of my fears of becoming the victim of a sudden hostage situation are waylaid.

Suppose you are invited to an old-fashioned Christmas celebration? Nothing says "celebrate the occasion with a bang" like a fully-functioning smoothbore black powder weapon. And if you should get into a heated altercation with a liberal or other anti-American, nothing has the stopping power within 100 yards.

Wishing everyone a secure Christmas, and remember...its not paranoia if they REALLY are out to get you!