On my way into work every morning I pass a statue of Oscar Wilde. I read McGrath's link. The two combined and sparked off the following ditty.

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY's BACKSIDE
In the world's mighty gall'ry of pictures
Hang scenes that are painted from life
There's pictures of joy and of sorrow
There's pictures of peace and of strife
There's pictures of youth and of beauty
Old age and the blushing young bride
All hang on the wall, but the saddest of all
Is the picture of Dorian Gray's backside

CHORUS
It's a picture of Dorian Gray's backside
All wrinkled and flabby and grey
Not perky nor carried with pride
But saggy and hairy they say
It's kept under wraps in a garret
Hidden from eyes that might pry
No joy to behold, it is aged and old
The picture of Dorian Gray's backside

It was late of a Christmas evening
To a party I had an invite
There was nibbling and chatting and drinking
I drank, had a chat, ate a bite
Then noticed the sudden grand entrance
Of that rake, the famed Dorian Gray
It was clear he'd had many's the tipple
From his wobble and topple and sway

CHORUS
He mingled and blathered and swaggered
Then I saw Mr G disappear
I followed him down to the basement
Where the cad photocopied his rear!
And then, to both our amazement
We heard a disembodied voice
"You may leave now, me boul' young Dorian
Or stay … I give you a choice!

CHORUS

"I know you are proud of your buttocks"
The genie continued "And so
I'll allow them to be preserv-ed
From this point, no older they'll grow
Hang this photograph up in your attic
And as the years advance
Pert will remain the posterior part
That's shielded from view in your pants"

CHORUS

And lo the decades roll onwards
And time our vanity mocks
Dorian's face bears many the trace
Of the beating of the clock
But though his oul' body is ravaged
By the cruel assault of the years
Still pert and perky and handsome
Is Dorian's well-preserved rear