The tune, obviously, is 'Ding Dong! Merrily on High.

Apologies to any secretaries, or people called Gloria, for what follows. This is a work of pure imagination.

The Office Secretary

Ding! Dong! Ring the office bell!
Be merry, hale and hearty
Music, food and drink as well
It is the office party

Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.

Who wore short skirt and fishnets?
Whose dress was oh, so thrilling
Who eyed up the office lads
And looked like she was willing?

Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.

Who pigged out on all the food?
Who ate enough for twenty?
Who drank much more than she should?
It looked like she'd had plenty!

Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.

Who decided that she would –
Although we thought she wouldn't?
What persuaded her she could –
Although they said she shouldn't?

Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.

Yes, she found the fax machine
Her rear to photocopy
Took a picture quite obscene
And stored it on a floppy

Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.

Who was very much admired?
Her disposition sunny.
Who deserved just to be fired –
At least, they thought it funny!

Gloria, the office secretary.
Gloria, the office secretary.