This tune is to the air of the Ducks of Magheralin (or as it has been inadvertently dubbed in a current thread, The Ducks of Marilyn). It goes out to me oul' china, ard mhacha. Nollaig shona, a h-Oilibhéar a chara chairde agus beannacht duit.
It was at the office Christmas do, in the photocopy room
There was giggling and tittering as we gathered in the gloom
Now and then the oul machine would make its fateful pass
With a flash like lightning as a colleague photographed his ass
And then it came my turn to climb aboard the oul' machine
To drop my pants (and thanks to Christ my underwear was clean!)
But "Oh!" my colleagues gasped in awe and shrank from me in fright
As I removed my boxers the room was bathed with light
Cos the sun shines out my ass, yes the sun shines out my ass
A light so bright and pure and white it cannot be surpassed
The subject of conjecture, "Is it true?" some folks have asked
Well, believe your eyes, you girls and guys, the sun shines out my ass!
How this solar object came to lodge in my rear end
Is truly a great mystery but I shall not pretend
That its presence causes bother, it's truly not a blight
I'm the only man on earth with a built-in source of light
I was standing by the ocean, the ships they sailed and steamed
Kept free of any danger by the lighthouse and its beam
But the lightbulb failed, the keeper wailed "The ships will all be sunk"
"Have no fear, me keeper dear, I'll spin and drop my trunks!"
I was watching Riverdance the lights they had a fault
Threatening to bring the night's proceeding to halt
"We have no spot to single out Jean Butler's next step-dance"
But I leapt to the rescue, bent down and dropped my pants.
It was at the Castleblaney fleadh, my mate lost his dope
To try to find it in the dark he knew there was no hope
But when I dropped my knickers, bathing all in a sea of light
He found his stash, ten pounds in cash and roared out in delight