Dear Flabby
(Tune is Dear Abby by John Prine)

Dear Flabby,Dear Flabby
My cheeks are too wide
See the flesh hangin' down off the copier's side
My friends even laid on some reinforced glass
But it broke when it realized the heft of my ass
Signed, Too Beefy

Too Beefy, Too Beefy, your fate it is plain
The good lord switched places with your ass and your brain
So listen up heifer and listen up well
Pull your damn britches up you're startin' to smell
Signed, Dear Flabby

Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, my office is whacked
Everybody down here is Xeroxing their crack
They've been asking me to participate
But I am too shy to because of my weight
Signed, Young Porker

Young Porker, Young Porker, don't make me get tough
Get up on that Danka and photog your duff
So listen up Chubby and listen up right
You won't make no headway by bein' uptight
Signed, Dear Flabby

Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, I'm lean as a cat
And I wanna be just like Melanie Blatt
My friends all tell me " don't be in a rush"
But I just can't wait to show off my tush
Signed, Miss Starlet

Miss Starlet, Miss Starlet, you nasty 'lil witch
Cavorting around without wearing a stitch
Now listen up sister and listen up nice
Don't show no one nuthin' that's my good advice
Signed, Dear Flabby

Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, my life is just gone
I'm young and I'm wealthy but I'm all alone
My friends all tell me I'm so well endowed
Perhaps I've been hangin' out with the wrong crowd
Signed, Horse Hopper

Horse Hopper, Horse Hopper, it's never too late
But you won't catch no fish if you don't flash no bait
So listen up Buster and listen up sound
Just Xerox that thing with some ladies around
Signed, Dear Flabby

Clifton