TO: The employees of Virgin Mobile
FROM: Myrth Cutter, Chief Legal Counsel for Virgin Mobile
cc: The Royal Society For The Protection Of Accidents
DATE: Dec. 15, 2001
RE: Permissible Merriment at the annual Christmas party
"Mobile staff will please refrain
from placing objects on the pane
of glass upon our copying machine,
Such as large, unclad posteriors.
--Holidays are so much cheerier
If we don't incur a trauma scene.
"Tiny sprigs of good, old-fashioned
Mistletoe are corporate sanctioned,
Given that they not be overused.
Could give rise to litigation
On the grounds of sexual abuse.)
"We encourage moderation
When the staff take their libation
At the festive gathering this year,
Lest the circumstance arise
That some employee's heavy private
Parts are cut or burned beyond repair.
"Though the glass is reinforced,
A heavy corpus could, of course,
Suffice to cause a surface rupturing,
Resulting in a painful lesion
Leaving permanent adhesions.
--Now have fun, you kids, and lets all sing!"
Words: Sonja W. Oates © 2001