I wasn't gonna do any more of these till after Christmas, but this one came to me while I was in the process of waking up this morning, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I've forgotten about the lawyers in this one, just focusing on the original advertising proposal.

Sonja


P.S., If anyone wants to add more "name choruses," be my guest.


Fifty Ways To Scan Your Booty
(or Fifty Ways To Scan Uncovered)

Some words ripped off and others thoroughly distorted from Paul Simon, by Sonja W. Oates. (Sorry, Paul)

"The bottom line is how you make your ad", said Melanie,
"The answer is easy if you take your cue from me.
I'd like to help you in your marketing, you see--
There must be fifty ways to scan uncovered.

"Just slip off your shorts, Schwarts; make a new scan, McCann;
Lower your drawers, Doris, set your soul free!
Get up there and squat, Scott; there's no need to blush, Rush!
Just strip to the knee, Lee (and try not to pee)!"

She said "It's us'lly not my habit to pose nude;
But done for dear old Virgin's sake, it's really not so crude.
So I repeat myself-- this is no place for prudes!
There must be fifty ways to scan your booty, fifty ways to scan your booty.

"Just hop on the screen, Jean (Try not to pass gas, lass);
Show us you're a boy, Roy, just follow my lead;
Just copy your crack, Jack,--No, ye dinna look fat, Pat--
Just straddle the glass, Cass (and fax one to me!)."

Said Melanie "It thrills me that you've little fear or shame--.
It's the least that we can do to up Sir Richard's market gain."
Said Richard, "It might work, but won't you demonstrate again
the fifty ways to scan uncovered?"
She said, "Why don't we--all of us--just sit on it tonight?"
I believe that with a few more rounds, we'll all be less up tight."
And then she showed us how, and I saw that she was right--
There must be fifty ways to scan uncovered, fifty ways to scan uncovered.

"Just flash us your jewels, O'Toole; Xerox your box, Ms. Rox;
Uncover your cheeks, Geeks (and try not to squirm).
Hop on the pane, Jane; Give us a show, Joe;
Give us a thrill, Will (It's all for the firm).

"Just share what you got, Scott; how far can you spread, Ned?;
Don't be a prude, Jude (nobody will see [wink, wink])
Just show us your tricks, Dick; It's like riding a bike, Mike;
Don't break the machine, Christine! (Leave some toner for me!)

(Repeat choruses ad nauseum.)


P.S., Deda, I like your "starts!" I have a few titles and hook lines that I've been toying with, too, but probably won't spend any more time on, so here are some songs ripe for this parody:
"Wreck Your Balls Upon the Copier"
"Let it show!" Let It Show! Let It Show!"
"I'm Sittin' On Top Of the 'Rox,"
"Sittin' On The Copy Machine (Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay)"
"Bare-Bottom Browsers"