Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful poem. I am very sorry for your loss--especially for the agony of not knowing.
A few days ago on NPR there was a segment about El Dia de las Muertos (sp?), the Mexican day to honor the spirits of those who have departed. I have wished for some time -- especially after losing 6 members of my extended family (cousins, aunts and uncles) and a close friend within 3 years -- that we had a similar 'holiday' in the US, because it would help with the grieving process and help keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and memories. Coming to grips with the loss is hard, even when we (at least rationally) "know" someone is gone. Then we often put the grief out of our conscious activities, though it is unfinished. It helps to have special times and places to remember.
Our hearts are with you.