Amos here's my rendition for the first suggestion on your list.

Sister Was Located in a Landfill

Sister was located in a landfill
When she was returned on boxing day
You can we she don't deserve a refund
cause the ashes were put in the box that way

Well the handle it was broken
When Judy unwrapped her Christmas Prez
But her sister was inside it
At least that is what her brother sez

When he found out three days later
When he told her the contents of the case
She returned to the refund desk at Walmart
She almost tore a new door in the place

CHORUS

Its a boxing day tradition
to bring tacky presents back
Who can blame her if she didn't like it
Brought it back and bought a pair of slacks.

CHORUS

Now were all so proud of Judy
Sifting through the garbage on her knees
Til she and brother found the ashes in Nebraska
In the landfill pretty as you please

CHORUS

Now the box is on the table
And Judy really starts to burn
Saying brother we'd not have gone through all this trouble
If only you had sent her in an urn.

CHORUS

I warn all you friends and neighbors
Check every Christmas present with your eyes
Especially when they're coming from a brother
Who'd send you some remains for a surprise!

CHORUS