(A friend sent this to me today. I felt compelled to share it.)


Musical Terms Misunderstood by Country and Western Musicians

Diminished fifth - An empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

Perfect Fifth - A full bottle of Jack Daniels.

Ritard - There's one in every family.

Relative Major - An uncle in the Marine Corps.

Relative Minor - A girlfriend.

Big Band - When the bar pays enough to bring in two banjo players.

Repeat - What you do until they expel you.

Treble - Wimmen ain't nothing but.

Bass - The things you run around in softball.

Portamento - A foreign country you've always wanted to visit.

Conductor - The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham.
Tempo - Good choice for a used car.

A440 - The highway that runs around Nashville.

Transpositions - Men who wear dresses.

Cut Time - parole.

Order of Sharps - What a wimp gets at the bar.

Passing tone - Frequently heard near the baked beans at family bar-be-ques

Middle C - The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low.

Cadenza - That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes.

Whole note - What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.

Clef - What you try never to fall off.

Bass Clef - Where you wind up if you do fall off.

Minor third - Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling.

Melodic third - Loretta Lynn's singing dad.

12 tone scale - The thing the state police weigh your tractor trailer truck with.

Quarter Tone - What most standard pick-ups can haul.

Sonata - What you get from a bad cold or hay fever.

Clarinet - Name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo.

Cello - The proper way to answer the phone.

Bassoon - Typical response when asked what you hope to catch.

French Horn - Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 A.M.

Cymbal - What they use on deer crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with.

Bossa Nova - The car your foreman drives.

Time signature - What you need from your boss when you forget to clock in.

First Inversion - Grandpa's battle group at Normandy.

Staccato - How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home.

Aeolian Mode - How you like Grandma's cherry pie.

Bach Chorale - The place behind the barn where you keep the horses.