I've never gone back to visit the grave of any of my relatives or friends; I've never needed to: I've said goodbye. There's always been a feeling of incompleteness between someone's dying and their being buried or cremated (and don't forget that the ashes are oftem buried in a cemetary). When my grandfather died we went to his empty house several times, and it always felt to Mom an her sister and me as though the door would just open and he'd walk in from the garden, just as he'd always done. When we all came back after the funeral, the feeling had gone: we'd all said goodbye and let him go. I can feel the tears trying to break out as I'm typing this--I know I don't have to "visit" him to tell him how much I cared about him and how much I miss him. I know it will be the same for my family and my friends when I go. Don't come and look for me, just sing a song for me or have a drink for me or just remember me.

Steve