I posted this quite some time ago, but decided to repost with line breaks...have sound file of it.

I'M SAVING UP COUPONS

The different cigar stores are giving away
Hundreds and thousands of coupons each day.
You get good things for nothing, and you bet your life,
You get things good-for-nothing, 'cause I got a wife.

You can shut up a jackknife, you've all heard it said.
I'm sorry that I didn't get one instead.
Five million coupons is what my wife cost.
I'd give ten million more to get a divorce.

I'm saving up coupons to get one of those.
Of coupon-eritis I'll die, I suppose.
But a nice little casket the catalog shows.
I'm saving up coupons to get one of those.

My brother got married and right off the reel,
He started to save for an automobile;
And the day that he got it, from smokin' he died.
From his house to the graveyard was his only ride.

His wife then got busy. No time did she lose
Till some lucky boob hopped in poor brother's shoes;
And now every evening they both can be seen
As they motor around in poor brother's machine.

I'm saving up coupons to get one of those.
When I die, my wife marries and riding she goes.
I hope when they're in it, the darn thing explodes.
I'm saving up coupons to get one of those.

My wife got the habit; she's saving a few.
She has seventeen thousand nine hundred and two.
She wants a new hat and I don't know what for.
To get it, she needs only three thousand more.

We'd been married a year in a nice little flat,
And all that we have is a dog and a cat.
The lady next door is just chuck full of joy.
The stork came and left her a new baby boy.

I'm saving up coupons to get one of those.
My wife is now making some cute baby clothes.
I don't know who told her, but somehow she knows.
I'm saving up coupons to get one of those.