Mrrzy: I'm sorry. I didn't realize the religious dynamic involved here. You say, "The trick is to have a holiday that includes our whole family, some of whom are Moslem, some Jewish, one Christian [I assume this means Protestant, such as Baptist or something] (unless you count the extendeds, which includes Catholics, Mormons, Quakers, and others), and the large majority is atheists." Yikes! That's a tall order, if even one of them feels excluded by anyone else's tradition (as your nephew seems to be, though no one means to offend him).

If I were in your position, I would've thrown up my hands long ago and said to everyone, "Now, LOOK. This is MY house and I'll decorate it any way I damn well please, and I expect you all to be gracious and make nice compliments about how nice everything looks, and play along with whatever secular entertainment I've planned for the evening. Next year, we'll all go to [very Jewish nephew's name]'s place and we'll all be kosher for a day, and the year after that we'll go to [Moslem relative's name]'s place and wish each other a happy Ramadan AND LIKE IT!!! But for today, the @#$% angel is gonna STAY on the @#$% tree while we gather 'round the @#$% piano and sing 'We Wish You a Merry Dollar-mas' !!!!!"

But then, I'm dysfunctional, too.... *G*

Seriously, though, why don't you send a questionnaire to all the relatives involved and ask them to list the things they'd like to sing/eat/do during your get-together? I suggest a questionnaire rather than a face-to-face discussion so that people won't get into an argument (at least, not quite so easily). Then tally up the answers and see if there are any things that each person has requested. If so, you've got your holiday plan. If not, then tell everyone that there's no point in arguing because everyone will never agree... so y'all had better agree to disagree.