A parody of "The Pursuit of Farmer Michael Hayes" from "After The Break", which presumes that Michael Hayes is transplanted to England. And rather than being a farmer, he is instead … Oh I'll let the song speak for itself!

THE PURSUIT OF THE CHARMER MICHAEL HAYES
I am a bold undaunted fox, that's never once been trapped or caught
I've sowed my oats all over unbeknownst to my good wife
Until of late I was betrayed, by a bobble-hatted blade
And then I fled, so's to evade, a stabbing with a knife

From Penrith Town to Windermere, in the Lakes I sought to disappear
From there across the Pennines, in Whitby I did hide
And then I took a steer due south, and crossed across the Humber's mouth
(And remarked how many Mudcatters in Hull there do reside!

We had a session in the Jug, I hardly dared to show my mug
But at singing and the music I'm blessed with a little skill
And dancin', aye and telling tales, and drinking gallons of real ale
But off I've got to go again, she's closin' for the kill)

Through the Midlands, like a hare, then on to Wales I did repair
In Bristol Town I rested, I slept just like a log
But up at dawn replete with rest, I journeyed to the south-and-west
But all the while she tailed me, like a hunting-dog

I had a surf off Newquay Beach (Ireland was just out of reach
Or else I would have drifted to the land across the pond)
And heading east I passed Stonehenge, and all the while she sought revenge
She'd never give up on her chase, be it never mind how long

In London Town I made a vow, no matter what, no matter how
My fugitive existence would have to terminate
I'd face the one to whom I'm wed, her sweet forgiveness I would beg
And so it was by Tower Bridge I did await my fate

"Michael Hayes, you're full of lies; tricks and cons and alibis
The day I walked the aisle for you, is a day I sore regret"
And out she pulled a knitting pin, she found my heart and plunged it in
And I sank to the footpath and haven't got up yet

There was great contentment on her face, as she walked from my resting-place
The glow of satisfaction burned for many days
This gory death that she's achieved has left her feeling much relieved
To cause the termination of the charmer Michael Hayes